I'll keep you in my prayers...So a co-worker/mentee and I were meeting the other day and I shared with her my crossroads decision that I needed to make. When our time was up, she said something along the lines of, "I know it's not your thing, but I'll keep you in my prayers tonight about this." I said, "How do you know it's not my thing? I actually prayed for about 20 minutes on this last night." She seemed shocked. I also told her I could use the extra ones so make sure she did so...
I pray, I pray all the time. Do I go to church, kneel down and have a formal thing going on with the "Big Man?" No, but I say a quick thank you when something that shouldn't possibly go right, does or when I have an unexpected epiphany, et al. AND...I talk to him about the big things that come up and ask for some guidance. Do I know there is a God...no. Do I hope there is...YES. I think I have faith...I feel like he's listening when I talk. Sometimes I feel like praying for guidance is weak or silly, mostly because I feel like I should be able to handle it. He made me the way I am and I have to tools to do it...so I should. But since I'm someone who likes to cover all my bases...praying is part of it.
Interestingly enough, the morning after I prayed, I started thinking about my decision in a new way. A way that was more palatable and less intrusive.
Why do I believe in God? Well...I've just seen too much. Too many times that things shouldn't have happened a certain way, or that happened too perfectly. I also think there's too much pain and injustice in the world for this to be it...there has to be something more. There has to be a divine justice.
So off that horse and onto one in the Mid-West...So, I've committed to seeing the new area in the Mid-west. I'll be there the week of the 30th, looking around, checking out possible rentals, deciding if I could live there.
E! is really not happy about this...and I feel bad that I'm putting him through this. Therapist always says, "Sometimes it's ok to be selfish." Still doesn't make this any easier.
As I mentioned, I'm trying to think of this in a new way. Rather than look at this as a permanent move, I'm looking at it as a One-ish Year Assignment. I'm figuring, I can close my house down for 6 months, go to the mid-west, and take a checkpoint at 6 months. By then, I will know if I want to really live there, if I'm enjoying the new job, etc. If I am, great, I rent out my house, and make the move more permanent. If I'm not, I plan to finish the one year, and if I've done a good job (which I will) I'm sure the senior leadership will help me find something back here. I figure, thinking like this, I'll know more in 6 months about:
- Grad School
- The economy/job availability
In the interim, I'm keeping my options open...and trying to cover all bases. But...when I'm sleepy and not really listening to all the "rational" voices...I'm a little excited about the possibility...scared, but excited.
Hey...if it's in your thought to do so...Pray for me...I wouldn't mind a little extra guidance and good thoughts coming my way.
Laterz...
Comments (8)
Watch "Dogma" again, I think it's the best lesson ever given on theology. And it's just too damn funny.
I consider myself not having a crisis of faith, but a crisis of religion...i.e., I'm seriously questioning certain things "the church" says & does. I've come to the conclusion that we need "faith" and not "religion".
Meanwhile, yes you will be in my prayers.
@silentbill1814 - Thanks gorgeous...and yeah - religion is not my thing...but I love FAITH!!
You have been in my thoughts and prayers in a very positive way PJ. I sure hope that you will be guided., and I pray that the six months or the one year that you will spend in this area, will be such a huge stepping stone towards success in your life.
@ZSA_MD - And I thank you for that...you're such a positive inspiration to all who you've touched with your words, myself included.
Hey, I'll definitely pray for you as you make these decisions. And as a lifelong Mdwesterner, I can vouch that it's a great place, even Iowa! We've spent a couple family week-long vacations there, and I've spent several weeks of work in the Iowa City area - some great restaurants (well, for the Midwest, let's say). So be still and listen to God's voice as you pray about the decision.
God Is to Big to Fit in a Book,
Or at Least not One Book.
Maybe Many
(Maybe every book in the world)
-thend-
You Have a Scary Face in your Picture
It Reminds of my Own.
I Hate my Scary Face.
-thend-
My verdict on the whole God thing - we were designed for a relationship, a companionship, with Him. He wants us to rely on him fully and completely, to fulfill all of our needs and to be our best friend. When we try and take control of our own lives and do whatever the heck we want to do instead of listening to see what He wants us to do, that's when our lives feel "out of control." We basically suck at everything, lol...our decisions are hardly ever the best decisions for us, and if they are the best, it's a freak accident we picked the right path. God knows the plans He has for us, and if we stick with Him, we won't go wrong.
Just had to put my two-cents in there, ya know?